GOD’S TRUE MIRACLE

                All my life, I have heard the name of God in all walks of life, sometimes in praise but many times in curses and disbelief… oh, I’m sorry… my name is Allan, a filipino. I’m just a normal, outspoken kid whose life has been twisted by the wrong belief that you create your own destiny and there is nobody to blame but yourself. Let me tell you a story. A long time ago, when I was a kid, I remember my lolo and lola putting me to sleep in one of those wooden kuna’s. I had trouble sleeping then… then my lola would tap my legs until I would. The instance I wake up my lola would put a bottle of milk to my mouth to suck. That was a long time ago… they said that I was a good kid… and I was for a short time.

                It started when I was I think at 5 yrs old or 6 when I was playing with my baby sister. My baby sister started crying and I didn’t do a thing. Then she started pointing at my direction seemingly telling me I was at fault. My lolo started whipping me with his sinturon and I was helpless until my yaya advised my lolo it wasn’t me. At that time I didn’t know how to get angry…. I was confused at the situation then. How I wish that was true today.

                When I was 11 or 12, when I went home I overheard most of the people shouting at my lola because of a confusion of some sorts (until now I don’t know the cause). It was the first time I saw that it was taking a hard toll on my lola. I then immediately went up to my lola and told the other persons in the house to stop and Mama’s hurt (I call my lola Mama) with what they’ve said. It was the first time I noticed everybody listened. It wasn’t that I don’t know what I’ve said… it was just an honest thing.

                At 15 yrs old… I was idolizing juvenile delinquents who were at my point of view then was cool… I thought doing bad things was pretty cool and I lost my sense of direction on how to view life. I tried everything to the point that I became a liar, a thief and I made my evil alter-ego become myself. I was consumed by sin itself… and constructed my own version of how to live my life…. I didn’t know that this event would shape my whole life up… which was evidently shown because during my college days… I struggles with myself and did not finish my studies because of confusion… until it was too late.

                At 24, I’ve noticed that my Lolo, who was our bread winner, then fell ill. Then I’ve noticed that our family was already struggling financially and I was in the middle of it. So I’ve prayed to God and contemplated on what to do. Then I’ve decided to find some work by hook or by crook. I’d be interviewed then and there… to the point I got accepted to be part of training. But due to my inexperience I didn’t get my job. But in one brief flash, the other company in which I applied to took notice of my resume and hired me. It was a miracle in itself… but I really didn’t know back then. It was the start of me growing up. I’ve learned that there are sacrifices that I need to do but I was very selfish… I didn’t share my blessings at that time… I’d use people to get what I’ve wanted and the liar inside me controlled me again. It was a pain.

When I was 26, I fell in love with this girl who was my office mate… problem was I didn’t become honest enough and eventually she broke my heart and fell in love with another man… the pain was so deep… it worsened into a depression I’ve never before experienced. I became an alcoholic after that, which led to me resigning from my job. It was a disaster. After a month of treating my depression, I’d landed another job. This time I made a vow that it won’t happen again… but it did. I wouldn’t go into details any more… but it led me to resign again and transfer to another company. It became a cycle. I was confused and I became more of an atheist every passing day. Then it happened. My girlfriend got pregnant. All the confusion, basically all that I know halted to a stop. I basically didn’t know what to do. But everything I believed was it was all me. I tried to handle it by becoming more of a man… but it stressed me out… then my baby was born. We gave the name Kyle to the baby boy… who I really loved and cared for… but at a price. My girlfriend was mad at me because of the sacrifice I did for work… and I became a financial burden for them. A few months later my health degraded. I had to be absent because I don’t want to stress myself and get much sicker… and at the same time my son got sick and my lola got sick. Bow, in the face of adversity… I turned and noticed one church. They had this video on the internet about a sermon on how God was testing us constantly… and it hit me. It wasn’t bad luck or kharma that was giving me problems. It was sin. And God was constantly testing me in every way. God wants me to trust him and let him do his work for me… I alone accepted… now I trust him more… but he still testing me. I wish to those who read this please pray for me and my family, so we in God’s will go through and pass God’s test. Thank you.

-ALLAN