I want to tell you a story. It is a true story about a dear friend of mine.  I love my friend but at a young age, she started an unhealthy relationship with an abuser.  This abuser was a bully and had no mercy; she would put her down at every turn.  The bully would say, “You are stupid.  You only have a seventh-grade education.  You’re a loser and you will never lose weight.  You have tried dieting so many times and have never been successful.  You’re fine for two or three weeks, and then you run out of gas.  What makes you think this time is different?”

She would make rude comments on the way my friend looked.  She would say, “You have huge pores in your nose and a big stomach.”  She would constantly tell her she was ugly every single time she caught sight of her.  She would tell her she was repulsive.  It was brutal and constant.  Every time my friend had a success, the bully would knock her down.  Every time my friend was in a social situation, the bully would point out her faults to everybody.  She would tell the other people at the party that my friend was fat.

I think the bully in her own sick way was trying to protect my friend, because she would tell my friend, “They won’t accept you if you don’t show them you know you’re not as good as they are.  If I build them up by putting you down they might like you.”  Then when my friend and the bully were alone, she would berate her for all the stupid things she said at the party.

 People who were close to my friend would try to tell her the bully was wrong, but my friend didn’t believe anything good about herself.  She had listened to the bully too long.  The bully drove her to the brink of suicide.  She tried to kill herself three times, but thank God, she wasn’t successful.

Do you think my friend could ever be successful as long as she continued the relationship with the bully?

Why or why not?

No matter how much self-esteem you have, if you are constantly told you are bad, you start to believe it.  What do you think happened to my friend in the end? 

                   If you haven’t already guessed, I AM MY FRIEND and I WAS ALSO THE BULLY.  The way I used to talk to myself was horrifying.  You cannot succeed; let me say that again YOU ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT SUCCEED UNTIL YOU GET OUT OF THE HABIT OF VERBAL SELF ABUSE. You may as well quit now if you can’t make the commitment to break this habit.  Would you talk to your child the way you talk to yourself?  It’s time to stop this destructive habit.  I can’t stress how important it is for you to end this! You will never succeed until you stop!